I am remembering my own father who died suddenly in 1977.
He was determined to remain strong, drove to distant places to hold a job, insisted that I organize parties for his grandchildren because he thought the joy would be greater for the toddlers than my fatigue, never let us know he suffered from ill health or pain of any kind, took an interest in the larger world, travelled, made lots of jokes and told stories all the time. He chose to love life, good food, laughter and was loyal to his friends.
I have inherited some of his habits and bombastic personality, but most of all he taught me to be engaged in the world, to participate and to be myself.
Unfortunately he never learned to reveal his sensitive self and so I didn't get to know him well. He didn't take care of his health and never appeared to be vulnerable. He believed that being a father was about protecting your family, being a fortress, and I would have loved him better if I'd seen more of his true feelings. It seems that men are taught to be strong all the time, always winning and never losing, but I think we lose our authentic selves when the emphasis is on the role.
Today I think he would have loved to see his grand-children grow up, get married and have their own children. But he didn't have that opportunity. He died of a heart attack in his late fifties.
He was determined to remain strong, drove to distant places to hold a job, insisted that I organize parties for his grandchildren because he thought the joy would be greater for the toddlers than my fatigue, never let us know he suffered from ill health or pain of any kind, took an interest in the larger world, travelled, made lots of jokes and told stories all the time. He chose to love life, good food, laughter and was loyal to his friends.
I have inherited some of his habits and bombastic personality, but most of all he taught me to be engaged in the world, to participate and to be myself.
Unfortunately he never learned to reveal his sensitive self and so I didn't get to know him well. He didn't take care of his health and never appeared to be vulnerable. He believed that being a father was about protecting your family, being a fortress, and I would have loved him better if I'd seen more of his true feelings. It seems that men are taught to be strong all the time, always winning and never losing, but I think we lose our authentic selves when the emphasis is on the role.
Today I think he would have loved to see his grand-children grow up, get married and have their own children. But he didn't have that opportunity. He died of a heart attack in his late fifties.
Wishing fathers all over this planet, a day where their relationship to those who depend upon them, tells them they do not have to be in control - no matter how much they love their children.
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