How Can We Heal The Broken?

 

We live in a troubled world. It's not kindness that is rewarded in our society, it's winning.

Starting at the beginning of patriarchy where men were trained to kill in war, it became a trend to value men who didn't think or feel much. They are trained to dismiss feelings like warnings that you might have an accident if you drink and drive. Never mind all the arguments, the laws, the training, the rewards. Movies, books and TV programs revolve around action, conflict and resolution within an hour or less.

I remember desperately trying to please relatives, teachers, adults and friends. At first I thought this could be achieved by being kind, listening, caring. Then I tried getting high marks at school. Throughout my life I tried to be nice, worthy of friends, liked. 

Eventually I could see how this society worked. It didn't value good or nice. It valued winning, being special, fast, rich or beautiful. Now in my 70's I still find it difficult to watch self centred people do cruel things and get applause for that. But then I'm a woman and was raised to be a nurturer while men are raised to dismiss their feelings and strive to win ... whatever, a race, a war.  Thoughts about kindness making us thoughtful about what happens to all in our world, is not only overwhelming, for men, its a waste of their time, unless they are sensitive.

Concern for others has to be allowed for men to show their feelings. So a driver, a repeat offender, has drinks with his pals before getting in his car to drive home. There are few classes or encouragement for men to examine or question their feelings. Now, we, society express disdain for men who kill others by being drunk and driving. I can hear his friends trying to comfort him as he feels terrible for killing someone in an accident but valued for killing thousands on a battle field.

In war men are trained to kill the enemy but life is not easy. It's not as though it's a chess game. Or any other than the millions of games where there needs to be a winner among the losers. In this "civilized" society we are raised to believe our worth depends on physical strength, colour of skin, size, intelligence and gender.

A man who develops empathy is at risk for being dismissed as effeminate. America is very good at winning contests, wealth, wars and the status of "the greatest" in the world.

We enter the foggy world of human attitudes, humans who have been trained to hate some and applaud others depending on how useful they are in holding up the values of their society. A popular or successful man loses a few points in the world of inarticulate worth according to the popularity game.

Not many white men will worry about the family of those broken bones and will not feel the pain. Feelings of guilt will only hurt those who have a conscience, a moral compass. Hitler was never loved by his father and mothers are merely women. 

We are trapped in capitalist misogyny where you cannot win without hurting others. Yet winning doesn't give you comfort forever. Also we cannot afford the emotions to save our world.