This Feels Like That

When I think of the new gender identities, the backlash, and what they mean, my sense (and I use that word because I have no proof) is we are moving into a new  world of relationships between ourselves as individuals and our society.

The discomfort that parents feel in this discussion, in society, and in education, is understandable but it would be a mistake to dismiss it as propaganda.

Feelings are not valued much in science, engineering, and so in politics it blows up as rage. Or something.

I know this is vague and most writings are about concrete events like school boards acknowledging new sensitivities to accommodate children. Of course a parent who finds out their kid identifies as different than the gender given by their genitals at birth. 

What an idea? How can a boy who came into this world with testicles and a penis believe he is anything other than male? Because his mind is also operating and questioning.

If he is not aggressive, consumed by sports and keen to fight for acceptance, if he hates the feeling of having to prove himself, if stories of masculine behaviour make him feel uncomfortable, is it necessarily his fault? Or could it be his society pressures him into a singular identity. Either you are like this or you are not a real boy.

Young men are pressured into denying his feelings. He musn’t cry. He musn’t be gentle. He must show aggression or he will be bullied.  

A girl also feels frustrated that she must hide any aggressive aspects of her feelings. If she feels desire she must be a slut. If she wants to study science or engineering she may be laughed at by her teachers. If she wants to climb mountains or join the army, carry a gun and kill the enemy, will she be ridiculed by her peers?

But these are societies pressures on gender. Is the new gender identities a protest against the myths that have dominated our society, about how we should behave, look and feel like? 

It was early in my memory I felt so relieved that I was born a female because the aggression was something I couldn’t identify with. If I was bullied in the playground I could not fight back.  If I was ridiculed I could not stand up for myself. But being female made it easier than being a male.

Personally I feel society’s expectations about how women and men should think, feel, behave is part of the control fantasy, just like how the poor, the worker, or the ruler should behave.

When I worked in an engineering company as a clerk typist, I mentioned to a co-worker that someone from another department made demands on my time. Was that right? Should I do as he asked?  The co-worker said, it’s just the pecking order. But I was not a bird pecking at seeds in the dirt. 

Eventually I learned that in business there was this hierarchy that must not be questioned. Communication was top to bottom.

But I could not accept that. Clearly that was a plan that dismissed the feelings of workers, caused harm and communication breakdown.

Later in life, expressing my thoughts and feelings was not appreciated. I think too much, was the dismissal of what I said.

Humans who think too much! What a nuisance to pre-organized, sanitized systems of operation.

Back to gender identity and parents teaching their children how to be in this world, is fraught with worry. Doctrine is not everything.

However if someone says they are male, female, trans or two-spirit, I must believe them or at least listen to understand why they identify that way.

That late capitalist society is uncomfortable with that, indicates to me our system depends on controlling us. The system is organized to maintain control to varying degrees.  What societies manage to control for centuries? Authoritarian ones along with torture, public floggings, wars and hunger.

Our survival depends on free expressions of who we are as long as we don’t harm anyone — physically, financially or emotionally.  We have been manipulated for centuries, now we can learn how to live together in peace.