Eyes

 Yesterday I went to the eye specialist clinic for a post surgery check up. The efficiency during this pandemic time was spectacular. It was as though the staff had wings on their shoes.

The reason I was so impressed is that I suffer from a balance condition that seems to be incurable. So I cannot move fast or spin around without falling over. It's more like my limbs are folding up and giving way.

Normally such visits would be fine but lately I have found health care very stressful. Venturing out means I am dependent on my husband, to remember instructions (memory loss on top of balance issues), where to go, when to get there and when to pick me up afterward.

Watching staff move around so quickly and efficiently is very much appreciated but also it magnifies my clumsiness, my disability, my apologetic demeanour. I am, in those places — a sad little sausage.

I wonder what others see then. Do they think my condition is the result of drug addiction or alcohol consumption or poverty? Do visitors to my home think I'm a slovenly housekeeper?

That said, I am thankful to live in a place where health services are available, where doctors study for years to learn their practice, where technicians learn to read their devices, where offices are kept clean and safety protocols are established. 

It has taken centuries to get where we are today and the driving force for our current blessing is compassion. Generally we don't want to see people suffer.