As you sit in your chair or lay in your bed or walk the dog - and think about the things that disturb you.
How do you feel? Worried, happy, sad? We humans who have the insight into many things have been tricked. The first nations realized this after contact.
Those of us who think too much may have the answer. But instead of thinking about how to benefit in terms of personal wealth what is it that disturbs or worries us.
We are not supposed to look only for personal pleasure, yes that is a start, but it's not everything.
We are communicating with the outside world through our feelings. If we've been told you think or feel too much - this is a clue.
Why is thinking a needless excess of energy? Well we commoners were trained to be useful. Workers, builders, fighters, consumers. The society we live in expects us to serve. Maybe the economy or the army or energy. Electrical, gas, social order, medicine, making babies, entertainment. All of these obvious things are measured by time and economy.
Another clue is whether you grieve, feel lost or heavy.
There is a great deal of sadness here if we are able to recognize it and not shut it out of our consciousness. I have learned not all losses are in material form.
I learned it in school when I was trying to be a success and instead walked home from school crying alone. Another girl ran up to me and passed saying "some have it worse you know". I was clearly a failure now in my own mind. I felt depressed and desperate. I had ruined my chances at success. No-one would want to be a friend now. I cried myself to sleep at night.
My father came in and asked what was wrong. I hid my face under the pillow and could not say. Could not find the words. This went on for days as I fell into a depression. And true to expectations no-one in that class wanted to speak to me.
Except one friend who had known grief.
After a decade or so I realized that the internal drive to be a success was egocentric and false. It required approval from the outside. I was shallow. Empty inside. No self esteem. My life depended on outside recognition and I did not have the skills to win awards or be a movie star.
So I swanned around looking for signs that I was a winner, that I learned how to be a success while not knowing what that was. This means I was shallow. It took several years of struggle and tears to find a way to be comfortable in myself.
Now I see that the planet is in trouble because we are looking for our own success and feeling worthless.
It's a generalization but we are pressured into believing that money and status is what we should be aiming for as we compete with others instead of uplifting and supporting others.
The public space designs ways for us to judge, dismiss and dislike others and so we destroy whatever nourishment we have invested in for status. Now there are homeless people living on the streets buying drugs to cover up their pain and self-loathing, while climate change presents more challenges which we continue to ignore.
