This is a belief I have carried since an emotional breakdown I went through when I was trying to be a "success". This is a catch word I adopted before I had children. Stay focused on what I do, what I learn, and how I present myself each day.
What was I afraid of? Being a woman trapped in a patriarchal society?
Desperately wanting to be loved yet frightened I would be trampled on the ground. Not physically but through the values of our society at the time.
I fell for the sitcom capitalist idea that I must win and keep winning, never fail, always win and win and win. The problem was I didn't have a particular talent like winning a beauty contest, or talent contest. I craved all the aspects of show and showing off to my best advantage, always being right, never being wrong.
First time I fell in love I was afraid of struggling with pregnancy outside of marriage. Living in shame and poverty, hated by my family and all who knew me. This was not an unrealistic fear. I was afraid of sexual desire.
To make things super simple, organized societies like religions teach that women are a problem. Because they cause desire in men they can disrupt lives by getting pregnant. If a woman gets pregnant it's her fault. If a man gets a woman pregnant she has been trapped. If a woman lives in poverty its her fault for having sex outside of marriage.
The problem was identified as sex outside of marriage. Now in right wing communities it was woman, temptress, or plain and ugly. Woman not poverty. Woman not that desire which forces us to give in for the sake of continuing the species.
Patriarchy created the social conditions that trapped men into believing strength meant rising above feelings like compassion, empathy, vulnerability, so they learned how to deny their emotional self. This was useful as kingdoms could invade other spaces with large armies of men trained to hide pain, willing to give up their lives for the ruling class who saw them as common undisciplined and uncouth.
While it was the commoners who propped up the upper class, cleaning their homes, making their clothes, paying for education, waving on the path as the royal families drove by, stepping off the sidewalk so the upper crust could walk by safely.
The social order allowed the upper class to fool, rape and trash whoever was beneath them. If they were harmed it was because they were foolish not knowing how things worked. If the upper class were harmed it was because the lower class were immoral.
Believing in other ways of ruling a society we became political. We marched, protested, went on strike and created with our majority to create a more just society. The problem with this was the upper crust were watched and challenged. Of course there were those who were afraid of democracy, social responsibility and evaporating economy.
The wealthy classes are still here, articulate and well educated. Social systems are varied. In the east one nation has made it illegal for women to go outside without husbands, fathers, uncles. Illegal for women to get an education, to go to work, to do anything without permission from father, husband, uncle. All women are beneath any man when it comes to power.
The extent to which "women are to blame" for anything depends on gender or race. Not beauty or talent or knowledge or peace. All our struggles seem rendered down to power. Where there is war its not the most vulnerable that are protected but the most powerful.
This isn't new. This has been the case for millions of years. In fact to point this out is too obvious. The planet and all its gifts ultimately depends on power, not kindness, beauty, intelligence. The biggest bully wins we are told. We are back to the jungle but with AI and weapons of mass destruction.
What will the Eulogy for this planet be after the last human dies? We could have focused more on kindness, peace and wisdom. Perhaps we could have respected the gender that carries life more, included them in the plan, listened to them, nurtured what we have.
