Rituals of Pleasure

As I sit in my living room and work in my kitchen my thoughts are on how to bring pleasure to the ones I love.

Pleasure can remind me of who I am - a member of the human family whose health has been built on the discipline of others who cared about the quality of life. Those who studied to heal and educate, who were guided by love of life. Those who patiently cared for their children so they would be in touch with their humanity.

The desire for pleasure asks for my vigilance so that I don't create a life of conflict. I learned that conflict is not something you win because no matter what I do, it never makes me happy. Being an "expert" on who is to blame, who is wrong and who is right has never fixed anything for me, never brought satisfaction.

Pleasure is not smug, not a sense of superiority. I know pleasure is fleeting, so I look for whatever enables us all to find pleasure. What are the conditions that allow us to bring pleasure into the world? These make up a socially responsible community.

I seek good health, to be free of lingering pain, warmth, and to be free of hunger. Even though millions do not have any of these, I seek these to remind me that pleasure can be a blessing for us all and this guides my behaviour and my desires.

What is the meaning of the tree at Christmas?

Long before Christian times the Vikings adorned evergreen trees in winter, with pieces of food and clothes, small statues of the Gods, and carved runes to entice the tree spirits to come back in the spring.

"Prince Albert, Queen Victoria’s consort, is usually credited with having introduced the Christmas tree into England in 1840. However, the honour of establishing this tradition in the United Kingdom rightfully belongs to ‘good Queen Charlotte’, the German wife of George III, who set up the first known English tree at Queen’s Lodge, Windsor, in December, 1800." History Today. First Christmas Tree 

In Canada the first use of an evergreen as a Christmas tree occurred in Sorel, Quebec in 1781.  Next recorded use was in Halifax in 1846. 

But what does it mean today?  What does it mean for me?

I think there is something deeper than the commercially store bought tree - real or manufactured.  The time of Christmas, the traditions of presents, sweets, and wine, shared with friends and family, is really a time for celebrating a human bond.  Yes we  could do it as the Vikings did without the credit card bills. 

The tree represents something that's strong and lasting, with roots and branches, a ritual which offers a brief comfort, a focus on creating beauty over the tragedies of the world.  

Create the story to resonate with deep needs and desires

This is number three of the five actions: 

Once upon a time there was an old woman.  She had a home, a family, good friends, considerate neighbours, clean air and water. She had nutritious food. 

There were trees, birds, insects and small animals around her. 

She was well and happy most of the time, but when she wasn't she could see a doctor. If she felt threatened or insecure there were police officers and lawyers. 

To stimulate her interests there were art groups, there was theatre and there was music, shared interest groups for conversation.

As wonderful as all this was, it wasn't enough.  She wanted more. She wanted conversations on how to deal with emergencies, how to protect the shores and mountains from pollution, how to address climate change. She wanted to learn how to be an effective socially responsible citizen. She wanted to defend nature against greed and careless abuse.

She wanted to love and be loved. She wanted truth and beauty. And she wanted to do whatever she could to support all sentient beings to have what they need to live a long and healthy life.

She lived once she was born and died when her life was over.

It's the worship of power that alienates us from our own power

I grew up believing that, to be a success, I had to emulate the rich and famous people on television and movies, as they presented themselves in public - for surely that is exactly who they are.

An incredible assumption isn't it?

In one of the teen magazines I filled out a questionnaire which told me this was the way to find out who I am.

The conclusion was that I was shallow! I was shocked because the people I looked to for advice said, I thought too much, I was too serious, and the boys would not like me because of that.

At the time I had no idea of how power worked. I thought you had it or you didn't, and if you didn't others would wipe the floor with you. In defence of that I decided to stand strong and not let anyone push me around. What I couldn't see was how others actually saw me.  Many years later, after many mistakes and several bouts of depression, I realized I appeared snobbish and cold.

So I re-masked myself, drew in some confidence and went out to learn how the world works and how to be effective in whatever I choose to do.   I thought power came from outside, from society, from friends and peers, from co-workers and managers. But I remained convinced that I had to look tough and never cry. Never, ever cry, for that is the worst thing you can do. Worse than killing birds and spiders. Worse than cheating on your taxes. Worse than letting someone put you down without a brilliant comeback.

As much as I wanted to be well liked, I was simply shallow. My self-esteem was non-existent. To be somebody I sought the approval of those around me. After giving birth to my first child I realized I was not the centre of the universe and that was a good thing. After my second child I learned that love is a more endurable power than fear. After my third child I learned that I was not in control and that was a good thing.

The world was not a series of headlines, television shows, actors and anchors - the world was the family, the neighbours, the friends and supports around me. I learned to think differently about power.

I could see that the headmistress in my last school had power in the way she encouraged me to develop some confidence. The Victorian Order of Nurses had power - for they gave me time to ask difficult questions about caring for my babies and myself without fear they would be taken away from me.

My partner and father of my children had power in all the ways he supported and loved us all. My friends had power in the ways they were authentic, caring people.

The world of power revealed it was an interdependent web. Whenever I sought position for my ego I became fractured and brittle. Whenever I thought of this world as a place where I could contribute my voice, my wisdom, my ideas, I discovered I was often wrong. But that was okay because I learned from mistakes.

My ego was powerless in all its appetites and vanities. This life that I call mine, is not really mine. It is the result of something that began billions of years ago. It is connected, dependent upon and subject to my own conscience. Social responsibility is embedded in all that before and all that will come after this short life.

Now as the human world is revealed through politics, wealth, fame and violence, it  forgets its own embedded opportunities to sustain itself and the planet it lives on, for the sake of power as a zero sum game.  And its this that is destroying us.

We must give up this worship to find our power within the web of life, which is desperately trying to reach us.

The Begat of Gratitude

To those who gave birth to my ancestors
who told me stories of the world
who showed me how to love it.

To all those who by accident and brief encounter
brought me to some truth I did not want to know.

To those who, not knowing my name
helped when I needed help
and who received mine when they needed it.

To those who by commitment of their will
have learned to write, sing, dance or paint
the message we most need to learn.

To all those who have the courage to put their skill
on the public stage to serve
as doctor, lawyer, minister, teacher, publisher,
scientist or social worker.

To those whose names I may never learn
who clean the office, drive the bus, do the laundry
pick the fruit and stack the shelves.

To those who have listened to another
when they needed to be heard.

To all who embrace their vulnerability
and who enter into compassion.

For you are the names and the faces
of my gratitude.

(from Infinite Power, Ekstasis 2016)

What Does It Mean To Be Human?

Write a list of the tasks you started or finished today. Write a list of the people you helped or who helped you. Write the name of those whose smile uplift your spirits when you see them.  Make a list of the people you worry about or would like to help but don't know how.

Now write a list of world problems you read or hear about in the media.

Which is the longest list?

If the list in the first paragraph is the longest then you are engaged in the process of being human.  If the list in the second paragraph is longer then you need to go back and check the first paragraph. It could be you have not observed all the things you have done, all the people you have helped or who have brightened your life.

All the small things that others don't notice, and the things that are not recognized for prizes or as "achievements", list those. If you washed dishes - list all the times you washed them - breakfast, lunch, supper.

Even the list of those you worry about or don't know how to help is a human endeavour.

Make a list of mistakes you have made and people you have offended. Make a list of the goals you thought you would achieve but haven't. Make a list of all the feelings you have experienced.

Are the world problems still greater than your list?

Now make a list of all the beliefs you started with when you were young. If you still believe them now put a ✓ next to them. Those you discovered were wrong put an x by them.

Right or wrong, all of this is what it means to be human. You are not good or evil, hero or victim, winner or loser. You are not a simple descriptor.

What we read about in the media or books are constructs that help us compare ourselves and our lives with others.  If we forget to engage in our own lives we are digesting other people's thoughts and experiences, some of which will be very well developed.  And some of which are designed to influence the way we see ourselves.

The problem with the world is that it's dominated by propaganda that presents the masses as disposable, as nothing.  The message in media is that we must strive to be somebody, otherwise we are nobody. To be somebody is to be a thing. A carpenter, anthropologist, bank manager, teacher. A thing that strives to remove the human from the discipline. That we must prove to be superior even though we may become more destructive, hurtful and miserable.

Once we give up our humanity and see ourselves as numbers on a spreadsheet, we dissociate from the connections between our thoughts, feelings, and practices developed over centuries of evolution. We judge our worth based on the things we own, we begin to see others as things, as problems.

We are not problems.  We are the ones who can, with reflection and insight, fix problems. Not all of them. Not immediately. But by the way we live and the choices we make, we can explore more deeply, what it means to be human.

After the Wedding

For the last two weeks my environment has been full of celebration, games, talk, food, wine and catching up with family. Listening for the urgent needs of babes and young ones. Endless used cups, plates and utensils covering every available surface. Used tissues discarded in every room. Stacks of dirty washing, leftover food, crowded fridge. Trying to remember all the things we hope to do during the day,realizing by nightfall most did not get done.

Sleeping bodies strewn across passageways, couches and mattresses at night. Stepping cautiously over toys, boxes and feet, during the day.

Now the wedding is over, time to think about what it all means. The deeds are done. The youngest daughter and son-in-law are married.  The cousins have met, brothers and sisters from three continents have reconnected.

So how do I feel now?  Gratitude for the gathering, the good weather, the rain, meeting in-laws, friends, eating and drinking. The image of the beautiful bride, the handsome groom, and attendants - in white, yellow, pink and green. So many beautiful dresses and smiling faces.  The very natural "sanctuary" on the beach, carefully decorated with driftwood.

We are up for this except when I fall down from poor balance due to a bad cold. The cold got in the way of my best self as I slink away to the bed to sleep. Once upon a time a cold was just a cold, but now my immune system just breaks down, and I couldn't find the energy to rise above the symptoms.

The good news is most people had a really good time and I am thankful that everything went off well. I return home a changed person from all I have met and all whom I love. I just hope that my weariness did not spoil anyone's holiday.

Big occasions I can remember but not all the elements. They pass like foggy apparitions I cannot hold onto. My wedding 46 years ago, my son's wedding 13 years ago and my daughter's wedding two weeks ago. I cannot say with confidence that I was 100% available at all times although that was the plan. But I do feel really blessed for all these people in my life. I feel rich, very rich. There is no million dollar lottery that can match the beauty of family and friends who are healthy, capable, gifted and loving.

Thank you all - you may never know just how beautiful you are.

Healthy Biosphere Means Healthier Humans - Suzuki

"Alzheimer’s and Parkinson’s, can be triggered by pesticide exposure. When we consider the vast array of chemicals spewed into air, water and soil, predicting those that may interact with each other and our genetic makeup to create health problems is difficult if not impossible." David Suzuki, Science Matters. A Healthy Biosphere Means Healthier Humans 

Profit must include more than just dollars.  We need a spreadsheet that measures peace, happiness, health and hope for the future.  In order to get this we need to recognize the power that has been forgotten.

Real power is what we have when we have choices and often we cannot see the power available to us.

For example, a young mother may not feel powerful when her newborn infant keeps waking at night, crying for attention.  She will feel drained and at the mercy of her baby. A young father will not feel powerful because the needs of his children exhaust his days.  But caring and loving children really teaches them about what is worthy of our attention .  Loved children often grow up to be responsible, creative adults, who have the tools to raise their children with empathy and good guidance. These families are capable of being functioning citizens who are then able to imagine how to contribute to a healthy society.

Where the emphasis in a family is about punishment and control rather than an observation of their childrens' needs they grow up blind to the powers of sustaining life.  Adults who were abused as children often cannot see how they are abusing their loved ones, and by extension cannot imagine how to create peaceful societies.

There are those who have survived brutal childhoods and still have learned about loving kindness as a social adhesive, but so many will fall under the false promise of power-over. It becomes a mindset of dedicated denial of the infinite power of life where great conquerors walk a thin tightrope in a spiritual vacuum.

Healthy humans learn how to use their power wisely.

Arrested Development and the Future of Humanity.

Endless news reports on mainstream and social media indicate that while we are in a mess, threatened by climate change, dismissal of civil society and its needs such as education, health, art and security – we do have ways of challenging the status quo.  We have the evolution of our human nature that is far more complex than is given credit. We are at risk but the world has not ended yet.

We are stuck in a mythology that arrests our development, as our political representatives cease to problem solve but focus instead on who is to blame, shopping for scape-goats. We shake at our breakfast table listening to all the pundits warn of the many threats to our security until we are convinced we have no power at all.  

Eventually we stop planning, fundraising, organizing, sharing and caring, turn inward until the next bad driver, rude neighbour, or abusive boss, reveal everything that is wrong with the world and then we blow up in rage. At the end of the day, we return home, turn on the TV and watch hours of insults and brutality for entertainment.

To fight back against this continual, sensory oppression, we need to own the future in the way we care for our family, our jobs, our clubs and our places of worship.

We are not spectators, we are investors, stakeholders.  This is what it means to be citizens in a civil society where we treat each other with respect. It’s not a competition, it’s not a game. There are helpers, advisers and experts ready to support our community building. They are not always right or wrong. The heroes are not gun totting movie stars,  but your neighbours, ready to help, grateful for what others have done.

We give and take, celebrate our achievements, acknowledge our mistakes, become literate in what works and what doesn’t.  Take on the small tasks until we develop the confidence to take on the big ones.  

Trust is developed in community when we refuse to divide it by class, skin colour, or religion. People are less threatening when we get to know the person behind the fear, and learn to listen. We learn how to be vulnerable and to be sensitive to the ways in which others are vulnerable.

Then the scales fall from our eyes as we realize we have been trained to see our world and ourselves as a construct for the ruling system, rather than who we are.  We become more curious about how our best interests are sabotaged by fear and prejudice, and how we can transcend those pitfalls, and that most crises are fixable. That we have more courage to face up to the challenges of the unknown than we thought.

Then it becomes clear to us that being human is the task. That all other things like being a parent, a teacher, a police officer, a councilor, a president, needs study and education, but most of all requires the continual engagement of the heart and mind.

As of Today

Yesterday I attended a memorial service for a man who was, and still is, loved among family, friends, and members of the congregation he helped to build.

From the time he knew his death was approaching to the planning of the memorial and the actual celebration of his life, the lives of about thirty people were consumed into creating this event.  People who held off sleep, housekeeping and other rituals of their life to think about, write, communicate, select, travel, arrange chairs and tables, cater, and clean up afterwards.  For the closest members of the family, including the man whose life was celebrated, the effort was extraordinary.  In a way it took whole life times across generations to come to this. Learning, striving, struggle, fear and joy, and ultimately the conclusion of this celebration was proof of the abundance of love.

As I think about the interdependent web in which I live, I see the same elements, the many celebrations of life, the art of living.  These include the skills of planning a dinner with love, cleaning the house and washing the dishes – all to celebrate the joy of food with company. I see the theatre festival built on thousands of hours of learning how to  write, stage, advertise, to garner an army of volunteers with lifetime training in their craft.  I see generations of scientific study and the institutions of learning that have endured centuries of change to produce the best doctors, lawyers, engineers and teachers, to sustain a functional civil society.

Our own children who have branched out to develop their own lives, struggle to nurture their own families which include their closest friends.  I think about their constant focus on researching and caring which all began with two egos who fell in love and decided to invest in life itself. I look on all these things and think – what a wonderful world! What wonderful surprising creatures we are. 

From the blessings of my life I have learned that building community requires me to listen to others whether I agree with them or not, to share my honest thoughts with them, to help others by working with their needs instead of giving advice, to co-operate, to do no harm, to find common ground and to celebrate their successes.  The energy I have learned to use in community is shared leadership.  

Then I turn on the radio and learn about another politicianwho won an election, not on nurturing the values most of us use every day, but on a campaign of fear and intolerance.  If I am to believe he was fairly elected how is it the voters give themselves wholeheartedly to life yet vote against the energies that nurture it?

How is it that we see power working in our lives when we work together, and yet we select the voices of intolerance, cruelty and bigotry as if the only power we have is to vote against those who are different.   How is it that we don’t get it when we are oppressed by transnational corporations, the 1%, the power elite – yet   we are outraged that those with less than us, may need help?

This is the gap in our understanding of how our power works.  It’s easy to gain more influence by funding movements built on fear and hate if power is already centralized in a system of values that keeps the masses unaware of their own value, their capacity to organize and to create the communities they want.

How do we teach people who celebrate life that the power they have can be good, as long as they don’t abuse it?  I guess that first we have to learn we are part of one family -  the whole interdependent web of existence.